through with you

this weekend was ok. i worked alot. saturday night i went to see atmosphere with kelly. i thought it was going to be awkward on account of her tendency to be psycho sometime but it was cool. it was cool seeing slug too. we just got xbox in the house. right now is the first time ive gotten up off the couch in like 7 hours or something crazy. (except to pee and smoke cigarettes of course.) but im neglecting my laziness so i best get back.

peace.

so i havent had my computer for way too long. i have it back now. im all moved into my new place. its sick. i live with two of my best friends and we got a dog named bb. ive been working alot lately but its ok. if i dont keep busy i dont know what to do with myself. i got my halloween costume today. im going to be peewee herman and the suit i got is fucking perfect. now all i need is a red bowtie.

lately ive been lonely. not the kind of lonely that is fixed by a phone call or a visit. i dunno. it feels like i fade into the background way too much. ive been meeting a good amount of new people lately and they just scream indifference about me being there. and im drunk and rambling. but its horrible that the only way for me to get this out is to type it on a computer. its been way too long since ive been able to call someone and say exactly whats going through my head and have them not judge me, or roll their eyes over the phone. and i miss that and so many other things but so many of them i cant put my finger on. maybe things will be different in the morning.

same old shit. i worked tonight. it was ridiculous. the new hot bartender was working tonight and kept feeding me shots when i was drinking afterwards. i still dont really know how to take it. im moving very very soon. i still dont know when though. i cant wait. parties at my house every week. be there.

tonight was pretty crazy at work. i made loot tho.

things with me and kelly are done. that girl would fucking bury me. maybe im just being paranoid. or maybe i have this sick ass sixth sense. who knows.

so tonight was interesting. it was a pretty busy night at work which was good. $$$. but i kept getting the ever so random curveball. my ex came in which was good. i was happy to see her and shes looking better than ever. but then i noticed that she had come with her new boyfriend. he seemed like an ok kid but he looks like he should be in a pop punk band. good charlotte style. i had to wait on the two of them which was super awkward. so that was weird. then this other girl that i work with came in and sat at my table with one of her friends and gave me a really weird vibe. shes always trying to get my go out drinking with her and gives me a really odd vibe but then immediately starts talking about her boyfriend in the same breath. i dont know what to make of that. all in all i had a pretty ok day. i gotta work tomorrow at 10 but tomorrow night im going to happy hour then to the drive in. good times.

im pretty bored out of my mind right now. ive been sitting around all night doing absolutely nothing. well ive been doing things but they all involve downloading songs, playing playstation and eating. so im becoming a fat from eating so much, stupid from staring at the tv for so long, and more of a geek because ive been sitting in front of the computer all night. a fat, stupid, geeky sonofabitch.

i lost my friend last thursday. i was on vacation in north carolina and on the last night i was there my friend called me to tell me that dan had passed. he was my best friend up until about a year ago. we went seperate ways and its killing me now. ill be alright but the past few days all ive done is just ache. and i hate this fucking entry and i hate alot of other things right now.

this weekend was good. real good. friday was the 4th and the only thing i wanted to get accomplished was drinking all day and letting off fireworks. check and check. i was at my friend's party which was ok minus the same old willimantic drama which tends to follow me everywhere i go. after the party kelly came and stayed with me. we watched punch drunk love which i loved. i didnt know how id feel about it but seeing adam sandler in such a different role was really refreshing. i worked all day saturday and today which kind of sucked but didnt even phase me for secret reasons. i leave for north carolina in 5 days and i cant fucking wait. connecticut has been grinding on me these past couple months. it will be nice to get out of the state for a while. the only downside to me being gone is that im missing krs-one in providence. hopefully ill forget.

so kelly just left. i would love to describe our night but im still picking myself up off the floor. shes amazing. and im the happiest ive been in a while.

tonight was my friend adam's 24th bday. so i went out with him and my friends and had a really good time even though i ran into ex girlfriends and kids that dont like me because of exgirlfriends. i outgrew that shit a long time ago. im still thinking about sara and the conversation we had the other night. its crazy how i have no defenses against this girl. i dont know whether its a good thing or bad. i guess we'll find out

last night was weird. i went over to my friend sara's and we went and got beers and somehow it turned into a discussion about how im stupid because "i dont notice the hints she drops to me about how she feels about me." and that confused me pretty badly because even after the discussion i still dont fully understand what she meant. all i know is that she broke my heart last summer and im not about to let it happen again this summer. today i worked from noon until 4 then went home and took a nap. after that i went down to new haven to see my friend spin and had a really really good time. but i couldnt stop thinking about last night and about this girl and about everything. and i hate when i get myself going like that because it either takes a resolution or 18 beers to make me move on. i settled for 13.

so today i went to go play softball with some people i work with and all the other people who work at the restaurants in glastonbury. but when i got to the park there was not one person i work with who said they would be there was there. after i left i just went driving. since i had nothing else to do today i thought it would be a good idea to get lost somewhere. dont ask me why. but i couldnt get completely lost because every time i took a left or a right or went straight at a stop sign i would end up somewhere ive been before. eventually i gave up and went and bought a new hat and a cheeseburger.

jeeeeeeeebus. i totally forgot i had this. well ill try to catch yall up to speed. schools out so that mean summer is almost here. except for this rain im enjoying my vacation so far. ive been trying to work alot and try to save some money but i keep spending it on cigarettes, red bull and beer. im moving out soon. to an actual house this time and not a horrible horrible apartment. im looking forward to that. besides all that nothing too too exciting is happening out of the ordinary. you know, same silly girl drama, same disgust with my work situation but im immune to that shit now.

the word on the street is that gem is coming to willimantic? im going to have to roll out the red carpet for her.

tonight was fun. sloppy but fun. i worked all night and went to play pong at my friends house afterwards. to make a long story short, i made a complete ass out of myself in front of this girl i like, then had to drive home after forgetting my cds somewhere and had to either listen to the radio or the newer eighteen visions. so that was hell. i cant wait until tomorrow though. its supposed to be 80ish. im getting up early to go play basketball.

what a crazy crazy night.

it feels like somethings missing. i know what it is. ive thrown it away too many times to ask for it again though. ive used up my chances for a while now.

"

yo-

so heres recent developments in my life-

i bought a new car. its hot

girls and me are on a break. im having fun not thinking about them at all.

school is boring, work sucks, and my ass hurts because i fell on ice on my way in the house just now.

gem i love you
esther i miss you. we never talk anymore though

holla at your boy

went to the club tonight. its kind of funny how gross girls are drawn to me but cute ones run for the hills. whatever. tomorrow i get to sleep. should be nice.

well here goes.

1) this break went by way too fast
2) i dont talk to half as many people as i want to. im sorry.
3) im done wanting a girlfriend. i guess it took me actually having one to realize that. mah bad, eat shit.

mothafuckin' 4) i miss alot of people.

holla at your boy

its my birthday today.

the woman doesnt like it because she says she'll never see me. which is probably true. im kind of worried about how much my drinking is going to skyrocket now. oh well. fuck it.

i hope the few of you that read this had a good xmas. im sorry we dont get to talk much anymore.